The Essential Guide to Choosing a Couples Therapist: 9 Tips to Consider
Most relationships go through rough patches. That period when your once-rosy union seems like it’s now filled with constant confrontations and misunderstandings. If you currently find yourself in this situation, many couples have turned to therapy and that might just be the lifeline your relationship needs. However, for therapy to work, it is important to focus on choosing the right couples therapist for you. The daunting question now is, how do you do this?
Navigating couples therapy can be overwhelming especially since there’s a multitude of options and considerations, and sometimes, none at all. Whether you're on the brink of separation or trying to enhance your romantic relationship, this article is your compass toward a step closer to a healthier, happier relationship. We’ll discuss what couples counseling is, how it works, and provide some insights to help you and your partner choose the right therapist for you. This article can help you and your partner rediscover the connection, communication, and happiness you crave in your relationship.
Couples Counseling: Understanding The Process And How It Works
We must first dispel a common misconception about couples counseling.
Couples counseling is often referred to as relationship therapy or marriage counseling. However, it is not exclusive to married couples. Couples at any stage of their relationship can benefit from counseling, whether you’re dating, engaged, cohabiting, or seeking premarital counseling. Regardless of your marital status, it is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to strengthen and enhance their relationship. Also, you don’t have to be on the verge of breaking up before considering counseling as a couple.
Couples counseling is a specialized form of psychotherapy designed to help couples resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship. As a therapeutic intervention, it addresses challenges couples face including communication problems, trust issues, infidelity, differences in parenting styles, and conflicts over financial matters, among others. The primary goal is to foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
How Does Couples Counseling Work?
Most couples’ counseling process typically starts with an initial assessment. During this, your therapist gathers information about your history as a couple, current challenges, and your relationship goals and expectations. Establishing these clear objectives provides a roadmap for therapy and the success you’d achieve. After the first session, some therapists meet with each individual and then again with the couple. This helps the therapist get a better understanding of the individual, which can inform your treatment.
Therapists help couples identify recurring patterns of behavior and emotional triggers that contribute to their conflicts. Understanding these dynamics is essential for creating change. You could seek couples therapy if you’re looking to rekindle the emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. Therapists are trained to guide couples in rebuilding trust, enhancing emotional connection, or simply building a more resilient relationship.
Most therapists would typically assign homework or exercises to practice the skills you've learned in therapy in between sessions. These exercises reinforce positive changes and can help you integrate new habits into your daily lives.
Importance of choosing the right couples therapist
Choosing the right couples therapist is important because it can impact your experience of therapy. It is important to take the time to research and find a relationship therapist who is a good fit and who can provide the guidance and support your relationship needs. If you’ve had a not-so-great experience with a therapist, don’t give up! There are many other therapists out there who could be a better fit.
A quality relationship therapist helps couples identify the root causes of conflicts and provides tools and strategies for resolving them. Such a person acts as a neutral mediator, facilitating constructive conversations between partners. They can help both you and your partner feel heard and understood without taking sides, which is crucial for resolving conflicts. Besides, therapy sessions can be emotionally charged but the right person provides a safe and supportive environment for both partners to express their feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities.
The right therapist also respects the diversity of your relationship and approaches each couple with an open mind, regardless of your background, orientation, or circumstances.
If left unaddressed, relationship issues can escalate causing more significant problems and potentially even separation or divorce. And sometimes, that might be the best thing for the relationship. Couples’ therapy can help with that, too. The therapist can guide the relationship in the right direction. With the right therapist, you don’t just address immediate issues but also build a foundation for a healthier, more resilient relationship.
Tips For Choosing The Right Couples Therapist
Embarking on the couples therapy journey is a commendable step towards mending and strengthening your relationship. However, the success of your therapeutic journey with your partner rests on an important decision—selecting the right couples therapist.
1. Dedicate Time To Doing Your Research
Especially if you’ve never been to couples therapy before, you might have to actively search before finding a match. There are numerous resources and directories available to help you find the right couples therapist. Your ultimate goal should be finding someone who can support and nurture the growth of your relationship.
If you’re searching for a couples therapist, Google is your friend. You can specifically use Online therapy directories like Psychology Today. For directories emphasizing the importance of diversity, Inclusive Therapy and Therapy for Black Girls are good resources as well. These directories often compile therapist profiles, including their credentials, areas of expertise, and contact information, everything you need to ascertain their compatibility.
Professional associations like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and the American Psychological Association (APA) also have digital directories that include counselors who specialize in couples or family therapy. The best part about going through this medium is that these associations ensure that their members adhere to ethical standards and maintain professional credentials.
You could also ask around from family, friends, or rusted personal acquaintances like your primary care physician. Don't underestimate the power of personal recommendations. Friends, family members, or colleagues who have gone through couples therapy may be able to give useful recommendations. If you have noticed some positive changes in the relationship of people close to you, they can give you firsthand accounts of their experiences with a specific counselor.
2. Do They Have The Right Qualifications?
Individual therapy is significantly different from couples therapy. Not all counselors are appropriately licensed or trained to be family counselors. Don’t be scared to ask a potential counselor about their qualifications and their experience in relationship counseling. Look for therapists with qualifications such as Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), or any special certifications, or training in couples therapy. These credentials indicate that they have undergone rigorous training and that they adhere to prescribed standards.
3. Consider Therapeutic Approach and Expertise
All therapists use different approaches for the different aspects of couples therapy. For example, if you and your partner are dealing with trust issues, it’ll be better to seek out someone experienced in rebuilding trust. Also, familiarize yourself with therapeutic approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), The Psychobiological Approach of Couples Therapy (PACT), or the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy to determine which resonates best with your situation. Each of these methods has pretty extensive frameworks, it’ll be helpful to read up on them beforehand and ask questions.
4. Aim For An Inclusive Practitioner
Inclusive couple therapy signifies recognizing and appreciating the unique experiences, challenges of individuals in different forms of relationships, sexual orientations, cultural backgrounds, beliefs, or faiths. If you and your partner come from different racial or cultural backgrounds, or if you have specific racial concerns, it's advisable to choose someone who is culturally competent. Someone who is sensitive to the nuances of your background and can navigate conversations about race, ethnicity, and culture. For instance, some counselors specialize in black couples counseling. Also, if you identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community, you’ll benefit more from someone who is affirming and knowledgeable about the community.
5. “Interview” Your Therapist First To Determine Compatibility
I’d recommend scheduling an initial consultation or phone call to evaluate how the therapist makes you feel. What you should be looking out for is an empathetic, nonjudgmental professional who creates a safe space for open communication for both you and your partner. Trust your instincts. If you don't feel a connection with one person, it's completely okay to explore other options. You can see a couple of people before deciding the right person for you. Of course, both you and your partner might not like your therapist equally but it is important to both feel heard and respected.
Ask relevant questions. Many therapists actually encourage it! Some questions you could ask are:
Have you worked with couples who have similar issues to ours? What is your stance on working with BIPOC and/or LGBTQIA+ identified couples? What types of couples issues do you specialize in? What can I expect in therapy with you?
Whether you’re dealing with infidelity, sex or intimacy issues, or mental health concerns, there are therapists with specific focus and experience with these. Asking these questions can help you know more about the therapist’s belief system and make an informed decision. Not every therapist will be the right fit for you and that’s normal.
6. Your Therapist’s Client is the Relationship, Not the Individual
Oftentimes, one partner would recommend a therapist because of their proximity or close relationship to them. This could make them believe that the therapist would be on their side but this is not a promising approach to a successful therapy. A good practitioner never takes “sides.” This is why it is advisable that both you and your partner reach a mutual decision about your choice of therapist before you proceed. Any prior connections with the counselor should be disclosed and thoroughly discussed beforehand.
7. Consider Your Location, Availability And Scheduling Flexibility
You might need to make practical considerations involving location proximity, and your busy schedules. If you’re considering in-person therapy, opt for a therapist who is conveniently located for both you and your partner. Easy accessibility ensures that you can attend sessions consistently. Some therapists offer flexible hours, including evening or weekend sessions, to accommodate your availability. Others make arrangements for online consultations. This means that you don’t have to be deterred by distance if you find a therapist who checks all your boxes. Online therapy is considered just as effective as in-person therapy and you don’t have to be in the same location as your partner for it to work.
8. Have Clear Goals And Expectations, You Could Write Them Down
Before committing to a therapist, you and your partner can establish clear goals and expectations for your counseling journey. I'd recommend outlining them clearly. Communicate these goals with the therapist during the initial consultation to ensure they are aligned with it. A shared understanding of what you aim to achieve fosters a productive therapeutic relationship. Besides, noting them down means you can do periodic progress checks and see how it’s going.
9. Exercise Patience
Couples therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to reassess your therapist's suitability as you progress. Regularly provide feedback on the therapy process and be open to adjustments if necessary to ensure your relationship goals are met. It is beneficial to exercise patience. Take time to ask the appropriate questions and keep an open mind. Remember that therapists can provide guidance and mechanisms, but they can't magically fix your issues overnight. Your therapist isn’t going to give you all the answers, but instead guide you to your goal. It takes time and effort from both partners to see meaningful results.
On Your Journey To Relationship Wellness
The most important thing is that both you and your partner feel comfortable with the therapist you end up with. Dedicate time to research and find a professional who aligns with the dynamics of your relationship. Also, by understanding the process and actively engaging, You’re steps closer to having a healthier, more satisfying union. If at some point it no longer feels right, let the therapist know and see if they can provide recommendations.
Don’t forget that it is a sign of strength to recognize when your relationship needs assistance, and with a quality therapist, couples who choose therapy typically see improvements.
As a therapist experienced in counseling couples, I believe in a compassionate and evidence-based approach to help couples at all stages navigate their challenges. I always aim to foster open communication, trust, and intimacy while equipping you with the tools to build a healthy and resilient relationship.
If you're ready to take the next step to relationship wellness, I encourage you to reach out. Your relationship deserves the support it needs to thrive!
